Monaco Off the Mats
If I had a dime...
Hello once again dear readers! Hope you're all having a great week and getting into all kinds of hot matches 😊 Today I wanted to touch on something that gets all of us a bit annoyed at times and hear your thoughts on what to do to solve it...
We've all had matches set up where we arrange to meet someone locally or away from our home turf. Everything is awesome, the pre-match banter online has been hot and the day finally comes. Then the guy is 15 minutes late. Then an hour. Then 2 hours. Then 3 hours. Finally, a long-delayed excuse message about why they can't make it after all 😑
Now, I won't name names here, that's not what the point is of this post. And I'm not talking about situations where there's a vague "maybe we can meet" exchange, I'm talking about the "Saturday at 1 P.M. at my place" situations where the gear is on, the mats set up and you're left hanging. Most frustrating to me is when this happens while on vacation, specifically to wrestle.
Years ago, I had such a trip to NYC where I had set up roughly 5 matches for a weekend trip. Not a single match I had planned happened as expected. Not. A. Single. One. 5 different opponents had issues that all suddenly showed up. All very unique and creative reasons (one notable one was that my opponent had suddenly forgotten he had tickets to see a show that evening and couldn't show up as a result...how does one forget that exactly?). And I do get it, sometimes there are REAL reasons that life gets in the way that are unforeseeable. I once had to cut a match short because my sister was going into labor so yeah, some things truly are out of our control.
What can we as a community do to help avoid these situations? One idea I heard recently was to have a "deposit" system for matches. Want a match? Take some monetary deposit that you hold onto until the opponent shows up OR that you keep when they don't. I'd have been disappointed in NYC all those years ago, but I'd have had my meals paid, right?
The downside I see to this is the mixing of money into what should be a fun time between two consenting (and hopefully punctual) adults. But what other alternatives do we have? Recommendations on this site can help spot problematic opponents on that front, but it often turns into a he-said-he-said without any clarity on who's at fault for the no-show.
In an ideal world, people set a time, they communicate and show up on schedule. But I get it too, the world can be chaotic and messy as we've all learned in recent years.
On that note, share your thoughts and stories! What have you had as experiences? What do you do to ensure people show up?
For now, I'm off to set up some matches...unless the guy suddenly forgot he has to go to space 10 minutes before we meet 😜
retserof (36 )
07/09/2022 15:15I am sorry to hear that. I know for sure I'd drop everything for a match with ya.
flexboxer (76)
07/09/2022 15:17There is a built in system already. It’s the “no show” review. I thing reviews/recs do a lot to help others know I’d someone is trustworthy or not.
BenMonaco (112)
07/09/2022 15:26(In risposta a questo)
Yeah, I know about that. I find when you ask people about that though, they have reasons or sometimes just a bitter opponent so there's no true way of knowing who's at fault (plus, what happens if both parties claim no-show?)
Akrob (109 )
07/09/2022 15:30I’d also have quite a bit of change in my pocket if I had a dime…. As a pro I can see that you attract hot wannabe opponents. Maybe it is an ego thing. “I had a chance to wrestle Ben Monaco but I stood him up.” I agree with the previous comment in that blowing such an opportunity is incredibly stupid.
Mercury (35)
07/09/2022 19:23There are two guys on here who have mugged me off several times.
Both I have met before, which adds to my frustration and upset.
The first blocked me, then disappeared and then when he came back on the site I asked him why. He said it was nothing to do with me, he had some stuff going on and I accepted his apology and arranged a match. The day before, he deleted his profile, came back and blocked me again!
The second constantly shifts dates around, is non-committal and generally makes me feel bad about myself.
Ben, don’t make the same mistake. If someone is a no-show, and it’s a no good reason, don’t be a fool like I was and think next time will be any different.
rob c57 (19)
08/09/2022 12:05The "deposit" idea works if either guy is travelling any reasonable distance and paying for a hotel room : the travelling guy pays the hotel, second guy pays 50% into first guy's PayPal or bank account.
However, if the first guy then pulls out he can then cancel the room and the second guy has paid for nothing . . . And if the second guy is the traveller, then he has to pay AGAIN for the whole room by himself.
So I can't see any "system" that really works for both guys, unfortunately.
And again : shit happens (legitimately) and can stop a guy from meeting. 🥺
I guess any meeting has a certain element of trust and hope ! ! ! 👍😁
Davey716 (45)
08/09/2022 16:02It's happened to all of us, unfortunately.
I will admit to traveling myself for work and talking to a guy once or twice ahead of time about the possibility of meeting up. But then the reality of my business travel schedule hits and I'm not able to meet with anyone at all. Although, I need to say that I have NEVER cancelled a meet that was actually booked.
I've finally learned that if I want to meet up with someone while I'm traveling for work, I need to build in extra time into my trip either before or after so work does not get in the way.
But... I've been cancelled on plenty of times. I don't know what to do about it, because it's happened with guys who are steady reliable members of the site, as well as those newbies with whom we sometimes want to take a chance.
All I can say, Ben, is that anyone who cancels on you is missing out!
Wrestlia (28 )
09/09/2022 5:49(In risposta a questo)
I, too, will admit that I've been on both ends of this kind of exchange, and I think we all have stories we'd tell of matches that have fallen through for various reasons.
I've had people talk and chat up until the second I get into the city where I'm staying and suddenly they go radio silent. I've had times where I've thought I'd had time, but didn't end up having as much flexibility as I thought. I've had one where he texted me a bunch of times while I was at lunch with a friend, and then by the time I'd returned his texts, he was so irate and calling me a flake and a fake that he wouldn't meet with me and blocked me. That was fun.
So, I think we can all be both understanding and responsible in the way we treat one another. Plus, I know at least a couple of times the disappearances were people who really hadn't met for matches before and they maybe got freaked out about it or had second thoughts but weren't willing to just say it. I hate being ghosted though. That is the worst. So don't do it. If you're not comfortable meeting, just say so. I'd much rather have that than think I'm getting a match and sometimes even choose to stay somewhere BECAUSE I think I have a match set up, and then have radio silence. And, because the chatting and set up takes time, I'd really like the matches to happen.
TiWolf (3 )
08/09/2022 16:20- Désolé, j'écris mon commentaire en français. ***
Ben, j'en ai tellement eu des excuses à la con. Des gens qui pognent la covid à 24 hrs avant le combat. Toute sorte d'excuse pour éviter le combat. Ils disent qu'ils vont se recéduler le match et au final plus de nouvelle. Du ghosting, vous savez, quand on donne un rendez-vous pour un match et la personne ne se présente pas. Tu essayes de recommuniquer et fuck all. Plus de nouvelle d'eux. C'est crissement frustrant. Parce que tu te hypes au max et finalement tout chie dans la pelle. Je sais bien qu'il a n'a qui se font un fantasme à écrire de la bullshit pour te hyper. Mais crime, si tu viens pas t'affronter. Tu es un cristie loser à mes yeux. Je me dis, viens pas me défier, si ton seul but c'est de me troller. Prend tes couilles et viens m'affronter.Je suis comme toi là-dessus. Je me bat pour le fun et le plaisir que ça me procure. Je fais en sorte que mon adversaire a autant de plaisir à me confronter dans cette petite rivalité. Ça fait quoi, 1 an que je suis ici. J'ai eu 4 matchs sérieux sur je sais plus combien de match demandé ou défié. Je sais que la boxe n'intéresse pas grand monde. Je sais aussi que la plupart du monde ici c'est de la lutte. Mais, moi, c'est ma passion première. J'ai déjà fait de la lutte, mais c'est pas ce que je désire le plus. Certain comprennent, d'autre insiste un peu trop.
Je dis toujours que le respect ça commence au "bonjour" et avoir une bonne communication. Si tu es pas intéressé, dis-le. Ne laissez pas un message sans réponse. Ou bien, quand t'envoi un message à quelqu'un qui est présentement en ligne et te répond le lendemain ou quand tu es hors ligne. Comme si la personne ne voulait pas te répondre quand tu es online. Come on!.
Si vous ne voulez pas affronter personne, svp, mettez-vous en mode SPECTATEUR. Ne donnez pas de rendez-vous à quelqu'un. Quand vous savez très bien que vous allez jamais l'affronter.
Respectez les autres! Respectez vos rendez-vous! Respectez les règles établies.
BenMonaco (112)
08/09/2022 17:47(In risposta a questo)
Pas besoin d'excuses pour le commentaire en français mon beau 😊
TiWolf (3 )
08/09/2022 18:18Merci Ben!
Disons ton commentaire m'a venu me chercher. Il fallait que je me vide le coeur un peu. 😅
NYCBruin (70)
08/09/2022 23:14Perhaps because you’re just that intimidating;) I would’ve fought you, but In the past, my body dysmorphia would make me too shy or insecure to message you. Hopefully, I want one of those 5
Tanker (206)
09/09/2022 13:02I was very disappointed when you cancelled on me Ben, the morning of our fight.
( as I'm sure you understand)
BenMonaco (112)
09/09/2022 14:11(In risposta a questo)
What? When was this exactly? Also, have we ever spoken before?
Tanker (206)
09/09/2022 14:27(In risposta a questo)
It was several years ago, probably 2015.
I think we exchanged a few messages leading up to my vist.
I am not being critical it happens, (you asked for people's views).
BenMonaco (112)
09/09/2022 14:33(In risposta a questo)
Absolutely no memory of this unfortunately. If we had set a specific time and date, I would have only canceled in the event of a truly insurmountable issue.
lighthouseguy (6 )
09/09/2022 14:42I agree with you about the questionable assistance the ability to post a no-show flag on a profile provides. Often the bad guy will post an identical flag on your profile, and you are harmed by his no-show as much as he is. I understand the site can't act as an arbitrator, listen to both sides, and decide which flag stays and which is removed. I suppose that might be technically feasible, a message trail would reflect the commitment and the fact the apology/excuse was not sent prior to the agreed upon meeting time. Excuses made before the agreed upon meeting time, no way to police those. But there are questions of legal liability if the site did anything beyond what it does now, so I understand there is a legitimate reason for their policy. A couple of guys have done something that might help a little. When the offender retaliates by posting a flag on your profile, you apparently are permitted to describe the incident in question in detail in your profile. I say "apparently" because I have no way of knowing if the site disciplined the guys who did that.
liteguynyc (96)
09/09/2022 15:08I was just in Toronto for a few days, and had set up 4 matches with guys from MF and all showed up on time as promised. Cheers Toronto! They were all great matches also.
BullBoy (9)
09/09/2022 23:03What sort of idiot would refuse to wrestle the great Ben Monaco ?
kohl (36)
11/09/2022 23:23I've been on both ends if this deal. I am as angry with myself when I've had to cancel as I have been with those who ghosted me...
I do pay attention to the reviews of those that are accused of a no show and the value I place on it is influenced by if the wrestler has had many matches or no matches. ...who they met with also plays a factor.
Scissorsubmit (0)
12/09/2022 1:36How do u post a no show? I've had no reviews as yet but have left one. I've had 3 that didn't reply on the day of meeting. I can't leave a flagged review as I have no reviews myself
Atlwrslr (9 )
12/09/2022 14:57Can we also discuss the guys who suddenly get sick on the day you are supposed to meet? I know, it happens. We all get sick occasionally and it can interrupt plans. It can also be a convenient excuse to bail on a commitment to get together leaving the other person with little recourse but to wonder if the other guy was actually sick. I mean you can't be mad or post a no show on someone who was actually sick, right?. I recently messaged back & forth with someone who agreed to get together. This past weekend, I drove 4 hours to where he lives and got a hotel. We were supposed to meet that evening, but I got a message on the drive down that he wasn't feeling well and might cancel. I decided to keep going even tho my spidey sense told me this was his way of bailing. I got there, messaged him and he was too sick to get together that evening, but check in the next day. I spent the night, messaged the next day and he was still too sick to get together. I was supposed to stay another day but decided to cut my losses and go back home. Then the next day, I check his instagram and he has made a miraculous recovery and is out hiking. Maybe he was only sick those 2 days I was in town. Maybe I'm just a cynic for doubting him. I do know that he didn't know I had left early and yet didn't message me the day he made his recovery for us to get together that day. So, yeah, I'm pretty sure I know what happened. I just wish the guys that pull this stuff would consider the time, expense and yes, emotional toll this kind of behavior has on the other person.